Want to be a Badass? Make Pain Your Friend and Stop Playing it Safe
We all live our lives according to codes. Some we know... some we don't.
One of the codes is the myth of safety. Go "do" the "right" thing. Say the "right" words. Marry the right guy or gal. Attend the right school. Eat the right foods. Do the "in" workouts. Be the "in" person.
Whatever!! In the last post we spoke about expectations. Today let us dig in a bit deeper into this. The fundamental idea that what we are doing is Right or wrong... or put another way... Safe or not safe...
Now I'm not talking about stupid stuff. One night stands and driving at 200km an hour in your Ford with the lights off and expecting to live a long life. No. I'm talking about more insidious so called little "safe" decisions.
I'm talking about the hidden risk in the status quo and playing it safe.
It takes enormous effort to consciously work through possibilities and risks, so the we looks for shortcuts.
We use unconscious routines, known as heuristics, to cope with lifes complexity — and they normally serve us well. But because they operate largely out of our awareness, they also present traps.
What are your mental heuristics?
The science of heuristics studies how information is discovered and learned. It explains how one looks at problems and finds solutions to them by induction (as opposed to deduction). Often, a heuristic is a "rule of thumb" that you learn along the road of life... and is mostly driven in the direction of pleasure and away from pain. We FEAR pain more than we VALUE pleasure.
But PAIN is what makes you strong.
NOW...Everybody experiences a combination of either useful and useless pain. What makes the difference is our ability to use it to learn and grow. When you are playing it safe in your life all you will do is avoid pain - in the long run it will not allow any growth or development.
You are managed by FEAR.
Nobody likes emotional pain.. never mind physical pain. It is unpleasant at best and excruciating at worst. Sometimes it is life threatening! So why the hell would't you want to minimize it! We try our best to avoid it and protect each other and our children from it.
When it does surface, we do our best to ignore it and shove it away!
Playing it safe all the time and avoiding failure, embarrassment, hostility or worse in the long run will lead to worse pain.
In the absence PAIN the sorts of adversity to develop that BADASS character you want-- we do not develop the skills necessary to thrive emotionally in this world.
If we are constantly sheltered for example - driven everywhere our legs/heart would become useless.
Alternatively, the more we have to run, walk and hike through snow, mud, rain and over hills-- the stronger our leg/heart muscles get.
We develop a confidence about our ability to “do it” because we know we can do it through experience.
We also become more willing to attempt greater feats. But in the process you will be uncomfortable.
When we have enough practice leveraging and learning from our pain we are confident that we can bounce back.
Pain is necessary for resilience, maturity and expansion.
So what are you ignoring in your heart and playing safe? Face your fears and become the Badass you want to be!!